If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)
If two groups of believers fight each other, reconcile between them. But if one group aggresses against the other, fight the aggressing group until it complies with Allah’s command. Once it has complied, reconcile between them with justice, and be equitable. Allah loves the equitable.
Surely all believers are brothers. Therefore make peace between brothers and fear Allah that mercy may be shown to you. Q 49 v 9-10
CONFLICT AND CONFLICT SITUATION
Our understanding of conflict is strongly influenced by the way we think about it. This is because its definitions move backward and forward between perceiving it as a negative or as a positive process. Some present conflict as a natural phenomenon, others as an alien or abnormal happening in social life, and yet others consider it as a necessary condition for the development and growth of individuals and societies. Young people are faced with the whole range of conflict types: they meet it from intrapersonal, and interpersonal levels to international dimensions; they deal with it at home, at school, on the playground, and at work.
“ Except God and love, no theme has received more attention in world literature than conflict… ” (Anotol Rapoport)
- Many different definitions from many different perspectives.
- Intrapersonal and inner conflicts
- Decisions you have to make
- Conflicting roles conflicting feelings
- Main difference from interpersonal is attribution
- There is a Conflict between two or more parties if at least one of the parties is frustrated or hindered by the other.
- It could be cognitive or affective.
- Subjective: there doesn’t have to be an objective ground (At least) one party feels frustrated
- Who do you see as the root cause for your frustration, fear or misery?
- Yourself or the other?
Conflict resolution is the process of attempting to resolve a dispute. There is a broad range of conflict resolution strategies. Conflict resolution skills empower, prepare and assist to deal successfully with conflict situations in life. The range of skills includes listening, negotiation, assertiveness, problem-solving and reflecting.
ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION (ADR)
Arbitration – You tell your side of the story to a neutral person and they make a decision about what is the best way to resolve the conflict?
- Mediation – A neutral third party helps you both make your own decision by encouraging each party to tell their side of the story, discuss issues and find solutions that will work for both.
- Negotiation – People talk to each other, sort out the problem and decide what to do without anyone else being involved.
- Mediation is perhaps the most effective.
- Mediation helps to develop a safe, harmonious and supportive community.
- Mediation Process
Mediator- Who is he/she?
A person who is not involved in the dispute but helps the disputing parties talk openly about their problem and arrive at a mutually acceptable settlement of their differences.
- A clearer definition of issues at stake
- Removal of obstacles
- Broadened solution searches
- Reality appraisal
- Assistance with the use of the negotiation process
- Improved communication/understanding among the parties
Mediation as an approach:
- Emphasis on “win-win”
- Resolve conflict directly
- Focus on shared perception and experience
- Mediation is all about empathy
- Introduction- Mediator introduces the issue
- Telling the story- disputants narrate their stories
- Express and clarify feelings
- Identify positions and underlying interests
- Identify areas of agreement and disagreement
- Generate alternatives solutions
- Write the agreement
Principles Of Mediation
- Self Determination
Skills of the Mediator
- Be empathetic
- Non-judgmental stance
- Reflection and feedback
- Proactive inquiry